Why Every Mom Needs a Mom’s Group

The Heart | September 13, 2016 | By

frustration                                                 

Disclosure: As much as I hate exclusivity, this message is not for non-moms who might think this sounds an awful lot like AA.  God bless you in your blissful naivety.  Real life moms – this is for you.

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Any time a soon-to-be mom asks me for advice I say two things:

  1. Read.

Read about co-sleeping, schedule sleeping, breast-feeding vs. formula, “crying-it-out,” signs of post-partum depression and everything else you can get your hands on.

Do NOT go into this season of life assuming you can just figure it out as you go. 

You will, of course, figure everything out as you go… but you might be able to avoid being traumatized for life if you have half-a-clue what you are getting yourself into.

(But really, it is amazing and beautiful and wonderful.)

  1. Find a Mom’s Group.

Look for one as if your mental, physical and emotional well-being depends on it (they do.)

Find one and start going, even if you are only 3 months pregnant.

 Even if you aren’t sleeping through the night.

If you can’t show up in your housecoat and slippers; it’s not a good mom’s group.

If you have gone 3 times and no one has cried yet; it’s not a good mom’s group. 

Try again.  Keep looking. 

Because once you find your mom’s group it will be more valuable to you than all the realms of Google. 

It will be the village helping you raise your child. 

It will be the angel sitting on your right shoulder when you want to strangle your spouse in his sleep (glorious sleep).

It will be the group of women that laugh with you, cry with you and celebrate the completion of potty training with you (because let’s face it, NO ONE else cares.)

Every new mom needs a mom’s group.  Heck, every seasoned mom needs a mom’s group.

If you doubt my word…

If you think it is really just a place where a bunch of women show up dressed to the nine’s and let on that every aspect of their life is perfect – you have been on social media too long. 

Real life people aren’t that good at lying.

If you think you might be judged if anyone knew the cold, hard truth of your imperfect life, then let me just say this…

There isn’t a single mother out there that is going to judge you harsher than you judge yourself… or than she judges her own self.

If you find a good mom’s group… you can look up, after your moment of brave and scary honesty to see nodding heads and tear-streamed cheeks.

AND, even if there is a mommy-pharisee in your midst… you can rest assured that she can’t possibly have as much Mama-Grace as you do.  Maybe your story will be part of what helps her find it.   

Mom’s group means authentic community.

Community is something we were created for… and to attempt the long arduous trek of motherhood without one is hard and lonely and unnecessary.  Sometimes we need a change in perspective, other times we need a drastic change of heart.  But if all you have are your own thoughts, you are robbing yourself of a whole world of other options.  

Authenticity is honesty… and the first person to choose it is the bravest.   It reminds us that we’re not alone in our doubts, our failures and our frustrations. 

In being honest, we open up the floodgates of truth into the darkest corners of our hearts and let the healing process begin.  

And here’s the thing about light.  It doesn’t necessarily belong to the most eloquent or the most knowledgeable… but to those who have the most openings, even if they look like cracks.

I have lived my life in secret and I have lived my life in truth.

Based on first-hand experience, I say it is far more rewarding to see others feeling hopeful about their own messes and be able to grow in relationship over our shared journeys, than it is to have their envy at a cold, hard distance.

My mom’s group taught me that.

If you happen to be in Niagara and you are looking for a good one, you might have to do a brave and scary thing…

Let me know.

I’ll save you a seat. 🙂