True Love Hurts

The Heart | March 29, 2016 | By

crown-of-thorns

She bailed again! I had changed my schedule for her twice even knowing that one of those times she didn’t have a legit excuse.  And actually… I tend to be pretty gracious in this regard but it had hit a sore spot.  I knew the real reason I was so angry was because she had communicated to me time and again by her actions that I didn’t really matter to her and it hurt.  I should have walked away from this relationship a long time ago.  I was so done… until I had a conversation with God that sounded something like this…

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Where Redemption Waits

The Heart | March 21, 2016 | By

 

cross

The arches of my feet stung with excruciating pain as I trudged up the snow-covered pathway – in ¾ inch heels. Oh yeah! There I was hiking up the Niagara Escarpment in the middle of January, sometime after 1 o’clock in the morning – in heels!

“Okay, this is ridiculous! I have to wake up early to sing at church in the morning AND I’m wearing a dress, Cam!  I’m wearing a dress – and heels – and it’s like -10 degrees out here! Can we please just turn around and go home? ” I begged.  

He took three more giant steps towards a platform that overlooked the city of Burlington and Lake Ontario. Just above the lookout point there was a ten-meter high steel cross that was lit up by a few dozen light bulbs. “Here we are! Just check out the view! Don‘t you think this was worth the trek up here?” he asked as he rubbed up and down my arms in attempt to keep them warm.  

I let the silence settle for about one minute before I answered. “Yup, terrific! Can we go now?” He took a deep breath and let out a long exaggerated sigh.  “I’m sorry. This wasn’t exactly like I planned.  But I really wanted to bring you up here, for a special purpose… I wanted to ask you something” he began as he slowly lowered to one knee…  

My heart lurched in my chest. No! No! This wasn’t happening! Not yet! I hadn’t had the chance to tell him!  I… I hadn’t even tried to tell him.   I was nearly twenty-one years old and we had been dating for exactly one year.  He had surprised me by repeating our first date; the Toronto Boat show, dinner at a jazz club and now a midnight stop at the old cross off Centennial Parkway.  Everything had been lovely but in the months leading up to this night I had absolutely no inclination that we had gotten this serious.  I hadn’t even considered the idea of marriage yet.  I wasn’t ready for this decision. I wasn’t ready for this much honesty!  And then suddenly before I could stop it, I was sub-consciously dragged back to the darkest, loneliest and most hideous part of my life.  A part I had been desperately trying to leave behind…

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Come for dinner; my ego is being served

The Heart | March 8, 2016 | By

 

dinner-table (1)

I admit, as the daughter of a Greek chef, hosting quickly became second nature for me. Actually, anything that brings about community invigorates and energizes me.  I love planning the menu, laying the groundwork and creating the mood.  Hosting was part of the reason we purchased a property with some room to spread out. After meals we like to get everyone together and do something crazy like play soccer with an exercise ball or set up a huge slip ‘n’ slide with a roll of poly-tarp.  (You know, regular hillbilly entertainment.) But, if you have ever been to our place and been even marginally impressed with the spread of food or the condition of our house or property, you should probably know something… I was depressed by the time you left.  Perfection is a cruel master that always leaves you feeling like a failure.  Even worse, I always felt certain I had missed some critical component, but I could never quite figure out what it was. 

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